I messed up and I HATE myself

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  tumbleweed 7 years, 11 months ago.

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  • #63155

    fml432
    Member
    Topics: 10
    Replies: 35

    I apologize in advance. I wanted my first post on here to be a success story, not this. I guess I’m not looking for answers so much, but just hoping I’m not alone.

    I’ve been suffering from chronic yeast infections since 2009, but the yeast hasn’t gone systemic. I’ve not been on the diet for very long. Just five weeks and five days. I was following the diet perfectly up until last weekend when I had some vodka and a flour tortilla with hash browns at Dennys.

    Today, I just sold myself up ****’s creek.

    I had two slices of Domino’s cheese pizza, fried chicken, french fries fried in potato oil, two gulps of some fruity alcohol (likely with my friend vodka again), and lastly a biscuit with gravy (once again, at Dennys). It was around having the biscuit that I realized how much I had further sabotaged myself and I fell into a serious depression. Now I’m at my house and I’m practically having a panic attack. I know five weeks is nothing in comparison to how long the doctors (even my acupuncturist) told me it would take–6 months until I was golden again–but I FOUGHT for those five weeks! I’m getting married in a month, and I wanted to be as healthy as I could be. I keep asking myself, “How could I do this? Why couldn’t I stay focused?” I was so desperate about minimizing the damage that I’d contemplated vomiting up the food I had just eaten.

    I’ve contemplated either fasting or doing the detox cleanse ASAP. I was wondering if doubling my dose of garlic (1000mg) and probiotics might help minimize the damage too. I doubled up on my herbal medicine (inserted vaginally–it’s called Vagistatin and supposed to be an Eastern medicine. It works and isn’t as harsh as the boric acid suppositories I had previously been taking).

    Either way, I’m starting from square one, it seems. All that work…just gone in a single night. This feels like hell. I feel like I’m being held hostage by my own body. I’m certain my yeast infection will come back with a vengeance and I’ll only hate myself more.

    I’m feeling really rotten, and I’m hoping there’s somebody out there who has ever fallen off the wagon before? How bad was it for you? How did you feel? How long did it take to get back on track?

    #63161

    Hope
    Member
    Topics: 22
    Replies: 187

    First of all, it’s okay – really. It’s done now, and there’s nothing that can change it, so all you can do is move on in the right direction now. Dwelling on guilt isn’t going to do a single positive thing for you at this point. Just learn from it, and get right back on track πŸ™‚ Okay?

    I’ve been on the diet for 7 weeks. On week 5, I ate 2 pieces of Dominos pizza, too. The next day, I just went right back to a super strict AC diet. I’m not saying it was no big deal and I’d do it *again* – I’m just saying you pick up and move on, you know? I haven’t cheated at all since then. I was a little “extra cautious” for about a week after, really limiting my grains a ton – sometimes just veggies and meat all day. (I usually include millet, quinoa, brown rice, or buckwheat at least once a day – more lately – I’m preggie!). Anyway, I just want to encourage you. It’s not like all is lost. Sure, you aren’t as well of as you would’ve been without the “mess ups”, but surely you’re better off than you would’ve been eating those foods for the past 5 weeks straight, right? You’ll be even *better* off, though, if you keep this experience in mind and recommit to following the diet closely. It’ll be worth it!!! πŸ™‚

    ~Hope

    #63177

    Jackie R
    Member
    Topics: 5
    Replies: 22

    Just wanted to encourage you by saying that you’re not the only one -went to my niece’s ‘going to America ‘party, and ate ham sandwiches, and had a bacardi and coke when I got home. Why??? I’d felt so much better even after only 3 days on the diet- now all the symptoms have returned, but that has confirmed for me that this is the problem I need to deal with, as now I am looking in the kitchen at all the food I should be excluding !!That just tells me that I cant’t ignore the problem it any longer.
    Well done for getting so far

    #63178

    Jackie R
    Member
    Topics: 5
    Replies: 22

    Just wanted to encourage you by saying that you’re not the only one -went to my niece’s ‘going to America ‘party, and ate ham sandwiches, and had a bacardi and coke when I got home. Why??? I’d felt so much better even after only 3 days on the diet- now all the symptoms have returned, but that has confirmed for me that this is the problem I need to deal with, as now I am looking in the kitchen at all the food I should be excluding !!That just tells me that I cant’t ignore the problem it any longer.
    Well done for getting so far

    #63181

    fml432
    Member
    Topics: 10
    Replies: 35

    Thanks guys. I started the fast and detox. It probably isn’t necessary, but I figured there wouldn’t be any harm in it.

    #63187

    helmax
    Member
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 20

    Hello.

    You’re right, the fast and detox can’t do any harm, but I do hope you’re back on the diet again.

    Mistakes happen though, I did it myself. After about two months on the diet, I was doing so well that I thought I could start adding more items to the diet, such as crackers and peanut or almond butter, sweet potatoes (I know these are on some lists of Candida foods, but apparently I cannot eat them), and nuts (I can’t tolerate any of these either). I was still not eating β€˜sugar’ products; however, I was making a big mistake by drinking a diet Mountain Dew about once a week, plus I was still drinking regular coffee, not being aware of how bad regular coffee, caffeine, and aspartame (the diet soda) are for Candida sufferers. And these items were enough to allow the yeast colonies to grow, because suddenly I found myself with extremely strong and powerful symptoms, which are now taking an exceptionally long time to bring under control.

    Good luck to you, and please continue to let us know how you are doing.

    Max

    #63206

    fml432
    Member
    Topics: 10
    Replies: 35

    Ugh…so I started the fast on Sunday. I ate nothing that day, did the detox drink twice and the vegetable broth twice. I didn’t do the liver flush that day. Monday comes and I don’t eat anything either. I had the detox drink three times, and the vegetable broth twice. Then I had the liver flush. An hour and a half goes by, and I’m feeling a little queasy, but I try to fight it down. I manage to get to sleep. I wake up again today at 2 in the morning, beyond nauseated, and I know it’s a losing battle. I throw everything up. Over the next hour and a half, I throw up two more times. Today was the first day I’ve eaten.

    I don’t think my constitution allows for such a strict regiment. I weigh less than 110 pounds and my metabolism is really fast. I lost 3 pounds in two days doing the fast. I’m pretty sure the liver flush was what pushed me over the edge, but truth be told, I don’t think this was for me.

    I’m going to keep up with my diet. I’ll stick it out in stage 2 like I had been and try to keep up with my meal planning. I think that was my real undoing. Not planning ahead. In the beginning, I had been so into finding new recipes, trying new things, and taking things to eat with me wherever I went. For some reason I got lazy.

    I don’t wanna do this again, that’s for sure!!

    #63208

    Hope
    Member
    Topics: 22
    Replies: 187

    I never did the cleanse. I’m pregnant, so I opted out of it altogether and just started in with Stage 1 of the diet. Even without doing the cleanse, I noticed significant changes w/i 5-6 weeks on the diet. So, it’s okay. Keep on keeping on πŸ™‚

    I agree with you 100% on the meal planning. Especially at first, if I didn’t have a plan and a fridge stocked w/ food, the diet got really overwhelming really quickly. That’s also when the temptation to “cheat” comes in most. Now that I’ve been doing it for a while, and I have a decent stash of approved foods, it really just seems so much easier. Not easy, mind you, but easier πŸ˜‰

    Keep at it! You’ll be SO glad you did!!! πŸ™‚

    #63266

    Taren
    Member
    Topics: 0
    Replies: 1

    Hope wrote: First of all, it’s okay – really. It’s done now, and there’s nothing that can change it, so all you can do is move on in the right direction now. Dwelling on guilt isn’t going to do a single positive thing for you at this point. Just learn from it, and get right back on track πŸ™‚ Okay?

    I’ve been on the diet for 7 weeks. On week 5, I ate 2 pieces of Dominos pizza, too. The next day, I just went right back to a super strict AC diet. I’m not saying it was no big deal and I’d do it *again* – I’m just saying you pick up and move on, you know? I haven’t cheated at all since then. I was a little “extra cautious” for about a week after, really limiting my grains a ton – sometimes just veggies and meat all day. (I usually include millet, quinoa, brown rice, or buckwheat at least once a day – more lately – I’m preggie!). Anyway, I just want to encourage you. It’s not like all is lost. Sure, you aren’t as well of as you would’ve been without the “mess ups”, but surely you’re better off than you would’ve been eating those foods for the past 5 weeks straight, right? You’ll be even *better* off, though, if you keep this experience in mind and recommit to following the diet closely. It’ll be worth it!!! πŸ™‚

    ~Hope

    I am looking in the kitchen at all the food I should be excluding !!That just tells me that I cant’t ignore the problem it any longer.
    Well done for getting so far

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    #63441

    tumbleweed
    Member
    Topics: 2
    Replies: 3

    Forgive yourself for screwing up and start again the next day.
    One of the cool things about the Candida diet is when you do it- the cravings physically stop-if you don’t feed them
    sugar or yeast- This usually happens within a few days. A true miracle for those, like myself, who have been addicted to the highs of sugar for many years.
    One of the visualizations I do- I imagine looking at the food I craved- and then I imagine me swallowing it and it entering my body-not so pretty and exciting any more. You will enjoy learning a new food vocabulary, learn two or three things new to eat a week- food becomes very tasty-when you learn new skills, such as adding crunch, color,texture etc. to your meals.
    I think in the beginning of the diet phase, we all have an inner tantrum going on, so try to learn about what you CAN eat. This will help distract you from what you feel you have to give up.
    Pretty soon you will no longer get excited about looking at foods you previously enjoyed, that are simply not good for you. I promise.

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