feeling hopeless today

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This topic contains 17 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by  alexalgebra 6 years, 3 months ago.

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  • #94285

    hope4eva77
    Member
    Topics: 67
    Replies: 548

    i am feeling very hopeless today ,i am run down tired my bladder burns like hell and i just feel like i cant do this !my house is a disaster which takes twice as long 2 clean with baby girl ,who i love with all my heart & soul but she is in the terrible 2 stage and so far today she has ,ruined my mattress and comforter with mascara and painted her own face 2 !( funny she knew where it goes on eyes lol )she undoes everything i do pretty quickly !,spilled her breakfast everywhere and ran thru it so its literately everywhere ,and took her diaper off to tell me she was poopy with a nice surprise on the floor !(thank god i have hard wood and not carpet !

    all i wanted was sum coconut pancakes and i fukd them up so made eggs instead idk they just didnt cook right .my hubby is pissin me off calling me crazy 4 spending all this money we dont have and frankly i feel like giving up and just going somewhere to cry !he will not help me no matter how sick i am with house work and he wont buy my food ,thats why i cant afford organic because the way we pay bills he pays for food and utilities and i pay rent -the rest we split .i have barley enough to pay for supplements none the less food also ,im looking at around 300 $ extra a month for food that i dont have since food isnt my bill normally ,working more is an option but the stress that it will cause me is not worth it .

    Im so frustrated and i feel like falling off the wagon once again but im not because i know that will make my bladder pain worse or last longer ! ahhhhhhhhh !

    #94287

    Danny33
    Member
    Topics: 25
    Replies: 362

    Hope,

    A lot of us feel your pain! trust me. Although I have no children I know whats its like to be broke as hell and everything else seems to fall apart all at the same time. Since I don’t have the extra money currently I have to do the poor mans treatment. Buying Garlic, lemons, limes, etc. These anti-fungals are extremely cheap.
    I split everything money wise right down the middle with my girl friend and we have different incomes. you may want to really look at how everything is paid and it should be fair for the both of you.

    It’s unfortunate we must go through times like this but anything that’s worth doing isn’t easy.
    You will get past the rough moments and eventually succeed. I believe you will.

    #94288

    rebeccaouellet
    Member
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 4

    Aww Hope I am sorry you feel hopeless!! I am a mom and i remember those crazy times with a toddler. I promise she won’t be like that forever, and when you look back at those times when she is bigger you will laugh and be amazed that you made it through! She is a blessing in your life and I am sure you know that! I want you to know that you have friends here and it’s good that you can at least vent to us! Just do your best with the diet and at least you are doing what you can about trying to eat right and healthy. Onions, garlic, lemons and limes and low sugar is the way to go and at least you know it will not get much worse!! haha!! Keep your chin up girl!!

    #94291

    Emsmith
    Participant
    Topics: 25
    Replies: 137

    Hope i too feel your pain. I suggest searching craigslist. You could probably find a lot to help you like free kefir grains, a used dehydrator, there is a free section for almost anything, and you could sell to supplement your income. Ive sold furniture, old school books, old cell phones, movies, appliances, etc. Investing in a dehydrator saves money in other areas. You cold make your kid healthy fruit roll ups, apple chips, dog treats, jerky etc. A bag of kale chips is $6 for a few ounces, where you could make 5 times that for less. Think about making laundry, dish, bath soaps.

    About the pancakes, i tried these last night and they were great…
    Buckwheat Pancakes

    2 Tbsp (30 ml) dry buckwheat groats
    1 Tbsp-instead if rice powder used extra chia/flax/sugar free whey-bad i know but 1/2 tbsp?
    1 Tbsp (15 m) whole chia seeds
    1 Tbsp (15 ml) ground flax seeds
    1 tsp (5 ml) cinnamon, used more
    1/2 tsp (2.5 ml) ground ginger
    1/8 tsp (.5 ml) fine sea salt
    1/4 tsp (1 ml) baking powder aluminum free

    1 Tbsp (15 ml) tahini
    6 Tbsp (90 ml) unsweetened plain or vanilla coconut, almond, or flax milk, only had hemp
    1 tsp (5 ml) pure vanilla extract
    5-10 drops plain or vanilla stevia liquid

    Place the dry ingred. in grinder until powdered.

    In a small bowl, whisk together the tahini, milk, vanilla and stevia. Add the dry ingredients, stir until combined, will be thick and sticky.

    Heat pan on medium. Divide the dough in two parts and spread out on the pan to create two pancakes that are about 1/4 inch (.5 cm) thick. You will have to press down with the spatula, as the mixture won’t spread on its own.

    Cook about 5 minutes on one side, until the bottom is browned. Flip gently and continue to cook until browned, another 4-5 minutes. With buckwheat groats and tahini, makes one serving of 287 calories, with 21.5 g protein and 10.2 grams fiber. May be frozen.

    #94295

    kodaz2005
    Member
    Topics: 37
    Replies: 172

    Hang there hope. I failed my first time on this diet and hopefully some of us can help you to avoid quiting the diet out of frustration. You will need to get creative with buying items you need for the diet. Remember this, you are much better off to start and continue trying to improve the diet, then to not continue it at all.

    Since vegetables are such a big portion of our diet and I have been spending 2-3 times what I normally would spend on vegetables alone, I have been shopping at 3-4 different stores looking for the best deals and stocking up on items I find a great deal on something. For example, I found Sam’s club has a great deal on lemons, Avocados, Spinach, Garlic, CInnamon & a couple other items. I found Trader Joe’s carries a large line of Organic frozen Vegetables that 1/2 the price of regular priced vegetables and the quality is great.

    I would also recommend creating a logbook of your progress. It really helps you focus on even minor improvements in terms of your symptoms. It helps to see on paper that even baby steps are moving you in the right direction.

    #94297

    raster
    Participant
    Topics: 104
    Replies: 6838

    You should start to feel better in about a month and you will see its all worth it because you will start to feel better for the first time in many years. Look at the positive and not the negative (which is easy to look at).

    -raster

    #94303

    hope4eva77
    Member
    Topics: 67
    Replies: 548

    I cant thank ya’ll enough ! I am def getting a dehydrater and making sum crackers .I would of never thought of soap thats a good idea !I have been checking craigs list for grains but none in my area .What is tahini?I hope i can find it .there is a buckwheat mix i may b able to have at my local store .

    I think are bills are about even or close to it ,the problem is because i have been going to the store more often and trying to buy organic certain things he wont pay for all that so it an extra bill .I have to be very careful and this ruins my choices of foods also .

    I really dont know if i can take a month like this ,im suffering ,i still have a whole house to clean untop of cooking food i cant eat for them which is getting to me .I want to be strong and do this and i certaintly couldnt do it without all of u !

    #94325

    fixme
    Participant
    Topics: 7
    Replies: 101

    I feel your pain so much.. I get so frustrated and want to give up at times. I never realized how much food played a role in my life. What I do to keep myself on this diet is picturing what the anti-fungals and herbs are doing in my body and how much they are benefiting me, that if I don’t follow through with this I will have worse health problems, that I will learn to eat vegetables finally!, and finally that I want to beat this more than I want to indulge in sweets.

    #94352

    alexalgebra
    Member
    Topics: 41
    Replies: 643

    It can get so hard, but it is worth it!

    I didn’t have a great day today either – it ended with me having a meltdown in the grocery store parking lot, flipping off strangers, then starting a fight with my boyfriend. Sigh. The die-off has been pretty harsh on me because I keep forgetting to take my mid-day molybdenum :p Don’t piss me off after 3 pm…ha ha!

    But seriously girl, you CAN do this!! I know it sounds so impossible, but just do it one day at a time. Say, just for tomorrow, I won’t eat anything but the veggies and healthy foods on the diet…then the next day, say it again, etc. I swear to god give it ten days and you will start seeing relief. You can tell from my journal entries where it finally cracked and I started feeling less shitty every day, if you go back and start reading from day 1.

    We are all here for you and we want you to succeed! <3

    #94485

    hope4eva77
    Member
    Topics: 67
    Replies: 548

    Awe thank u so much! I’m done with this starting and binging shit! I feel like crap everyday! I know I can do this! Yes one day at a time , I will tell myself I need to heal more than I need that Brownie!

    #94487

    orka1998
    Participant
    Topics: 53
    Replies: 673

    Hello hope4eva..

    I wanted to chime in this thread and let you know that I really do know what it feels like. Now imagine all that you are going through, but no husband and two toddlers that age (twins) instead of one. This was me last year. I thought it may make you feel a little better if you do see it could have been worse πŸ™‚ I was so ill and had to take care of the house, girls, all by myself, nobody to fall on. Family helped at times, they had to as I would be to ill, but I would feel so guilty being in bed for about a week, while someone else taking care of my kids and rest of my duties. I am working full time on top of that so my time is so limited. Then I get home after barely making it trough the working day and there is two hyperactive girls getting in trouble every 10 minutes or so. I remember feeling so hopeless, desperate, exhausted at that period. I don’t have to mention that I was in tears very often.

    I had no choice but to go trough the treatment as my symptoms were so bad I could not work or raise my girls like that. These symptoms were just worse during die-off periods, but I was bad enough that pulling out was not an option. I had little or no understanding from everyone else and felt so alone in it, well I would be entirely alone had I not found supporting people on this forum. And without all of the comforting and encouraging words from them, which truly did help big time, just knowing there is a group of people all over the world who are going trough what I am going trough somehow helped.

    As for affordability, I know exactly what you are talking about. I was stretching a single pay on rent, utilities, car, nanny, other necessities for girls, and I get whatever is left, which is not much really. If my ex sent alimony, I would be able to get some of the supplements that month, otherwise… well you know, you need to pick and choose what’s more important.

    My parents live near green market and my dad would purchase fruit and vegetables for me, and he would not take any money for it. I work until late so I could not go there, and in regular markets everything is wilted, expensive and limited in choice (people here rely on green markets for fresh food). That was tough also. He would complain how this or that was expensive and how I was better off eating a big steak every day than all that “grass” as he called for so much money. But let me tell you, as my dad noticed improvement in my health, his complaints were less and less. It took several months for me to get better, but I did get better. He now knows what I need to eat a lot of (mainly green leafy veggies, I posted my regimen in my update thread) and he lets me know as soon as he finds it. He even manages to find enough in the middle of winter which is tough here.

    So to summarize what I tried to say above:
    – Yes, you do feel alone doing this, but then there is all of us going through what you are going through so for sure there is a shoulder to lean on here on the forum.
    – Yes, everyone thinks you are crazy (I still get “you are still on that diet??? When do you think you will be off that diet?” daily!!!) but you need to have self confidence in what you are doing which will come as soon as some of your symptoms are fading away, that’s your proof that this is working it only takes patience. People often give up within three months and this is how long it takes just to start feeling better. Just imagine all the damage we were doing to ourselves for years! It cannot be undone in few days, it’s just not possible, or logical. I now answer that I will probably be on the diet forever because I enjoy it and also ask myself: do I need gluten? NO Do I really need lactose? NO Do I really need sugar? Big NO (I don’t want it, it’s a poison in my mind which got me where I was a year ago)
    – Do what you can and as best as you can. Forget antifungals you cannot afford. You can do it without them, I did. Try to eat all the right things, balanced diet full of green leafy veggies, sulfur foods (cabbage and onion family), and allowed colors (that one is tough on first phase but do what you can), try making bone broths (so inexpensive), try to eat organ meat (so much cheaper) once per week, and healthy fat (EVOO, coconut oil, animal fat such as lard or fatty cuts – you need fat to replace carbs for energy), drink lemon water three times a day, make home made kefir (once you purchase grains, you will have it for the cost of milk!) this is best thing you can do in terms of probiotic strains, and get probiotic capsule you can afford. I did not have access to good probiotics until few weeks ago, I did not have access to antifungals as well, I did what I wrote above and got better. Once your family sees you are doing better, they will come aboard too. Oh and organic does not exist where I live so obviously you can improve on slightly “poisoned” food, just detox and detox with lemons and anything else you can afford.
    – Try to reduce stress you are sometimes creating for yourself. Does the house really need to be spotless? NO Does your kid need to be spotless? NO (I had my children running around the house with messy hair and dirty faces when feeling just to ill to make it through the day. They were healthy and happy kids, this did not damage them in any way) Do you need to be a perfect mother all the time? NO (you can take a break on your bad days. My kids were never in front of TV, I was involved mother always. Well, during treatment this was though so I finally broke down, pulled out a long cartoon such as Ice Age and had an hour and half for myself or something else I had to do, once I was better I am again involved mother who has patience for them – didn’t have much of during illness and treatment – and they did are just happy I am back, they don’t remember that last year I was not quite there)
    – Find ways to make it easier on you, take shortcuts and remember this is only temporary until you get better. I am now cooking, baking, playing with girls, going somewhere any nice day and this is more important to me than cleaning house as this is for them and for me as well. It’s so much more to spend a fun day with your kid than to have a spotless house and be tired after cleaning it and we all know how long this will last with kids in the house! Sometimes it’s just pointless.
    -Oh, and I agree with others to keep a diary of some sort. Some of the improvement is in baby steps so if you are able to trace back you will see you improved in such and such a way. Otherwise a month passes and you suddenly realize a certain symptom improved or is gone. Finding out about it sooner may help your confidence and pushing on with the treatment.

    I hope you pull through! I wish you best of luck and good feelings very soon! Vent here, I did, and there was always someone that is willing to offer comforting and encouraging words. Vent here before you have a meltdown and this will reduce the stress and impact of your treatment to others so they will be more willing to help and sooner.

    Arijana

    #94488

    hope4eva77
    Member
    Topics: 67
    Replies: 548

    I’m happy 2 hear u are feeling better! My hubby is unsupportive but he does help with baby, I work a stressfull job in a hospital as a nurse aid, I recently cut my hrs down due to stress.

    This ofcourse didn’t help my money situation but I am in alot of pain and it just got to overwhelming. Trust me girl my house is rarely spotless LOL, u know how it is I couldn’t imagine twins! I completely agree spending time and playing is more important and I make sure I find time for this, right now its very cold though so not really outside.

    U know even dishes, a quick cleaning of bathroom, sweep & mop, plus getting dinner on table and laundry takes at least 2 and a half hrs and then yup u feel soo tired! I have to cook separate for myself so double duty cuz they are not on diet with me.

    This is frustrating as I have to cook what I love and can’t eat it. I work the grave shift so I get up around 3 in afternoon most days so they pretty short. On days I’m off I get up around 10 am and I have much more time to spend with baby girl love those days.

    Its the food that’s killing my pocket I can’t do organic eitheir that’s fukd up u don’t have the option though daamn .I can’t stand the system so fukd gmos were started here in us and Monsanto would love to take over and take out organics as a matter of fact they try all the time.

    Getting into lawsuits with farmers and its disgusting! Why are there no organics there?

    U are strong willd to want to stay on diet! That’s really great! I hope I can eat sum pasta and desserts eventually especially on occasions and holidays but I never plan on going back 2 my previous diet of all carbs and sugar! And few salads and veggies!

    I am very scared of die off and how ill I will get I have not gone more than 2 days yet without giving in and eating something horrible! My hubby isn’t helping me much by eating like a garbage can everyday day eitheir but I will do this.

    This forum is great and if not for all the inspiration and support I wouldn’t think I could do it! I love y’all 4 real!

    #94500

    hope4eva77
    Member
    Topics: 67
    Replies: 548

    Okra do u drink filterd water ?i have brita for now and sumtimes get poland spring .brita not a great filter but its sumthing .

    #94511

    orka1998
    Participant
    Topics: 53
    Replies: 673

    There are some organic produce, mostly imports and few local produce. On green market where they sell fruits and veggies, there is no classification but I did teach my dad how to by as close as possible to organic food: if there are bugs or bites on it, it hasn’t been poisoned much πŸ™‚ If it doesn’t look perfect, odds are it’s real and from someone’s garden πŸ™‚ Things like that…

    I live in country that was so messed up some 20 years ago and still trying to recover. Organic is not their priority. I think some kind of legal body is being formed to provide organic certification, but I’m guessing there will be few years before the get any work done. Until then, there is not much I can do and will not stress over it as it cannot be changed. When I lived in US (I was there some 14 years) I would purchase less but looked for organic first and only if I don’t find it I would perhaps purchase something else. After moving here, i had to just adjust to the local environment and it took a while to get used to it.

    Here we drink water out of the faucet. I leave it out for hours to eliminate as much as possible chlorine that they put in water to make it “clean” to drink. I cannot afford bottled water, it’s rather expensive as it is not common to drink bottled water, unless you travel or something like that. Filtering water is also not common so that costs more than my pay. I just adapt as much as I can.

    If I remember well from living in US, Brita is not that bad. It takes out most of the bad stuff out of the water. Even if someone says it’s not good, if it’s all you have, better that than tap water, right? If you ever have a chance to do more, do it, if not just accept what you have and do not worry about it. I remember for a while when I lived in US I drank only expensive Fiji water, but I didn’t have kids back then and could afford it. Later when I was not doing so well on my finances, I forgot about Fiji water and drank just average spring water you purchase at the grocery store.

    It’s impossible to eliminate all of the toxins out of our lives. You do what you can. At least that’s what I do. I use glass containers instead of plastic, if I can. I prepare my salad at work instead of carrying it in plastic container. I have dishes there. I cook as much as possible from scratch for me and my family. Yes it takes time, but it’s much healthier so you find quick recipes that are wholesome. I try to bake for my girls as I noticed they are completely different kids when they eat home made sweets versus store bought, although they don’t eat that much and some days they are so full of healthy stuff I give them, they don’t even remember sweets, and I will not offer if they don’t ask for it. Being sick last year was actually good for my girls as with me they are constantly moving to a much healthier diet, good thing there is no husband to sabotage those efforts. Although I must say that my ex compliments on their healthy diet, but then feeds them sweets when he is around hahaha. Well he is here once a year (he returned to US after divorce) so i just close my eyes on it and don’t make a drama as we are in good relationship after divorce, for kids sake.

    I noticed that stressing over these things is quite counter productive. I raise stress hormones to get healthier? It just doesn’t make any sense to me. I just do what I can, and as best as I can.

    Arijana

    #94516

    titan
    Participant
    Topics: 51
    Replies: 131

    Hope, I know its hard. Everyone of us here on the forum, and the thousands and thousands of past & current sufferers have gone through this. If they can do it, you can.

    At the beginning, I had some very difficult decisions to make. I quit everything from coffee, tea, sugar, weed, cigs, beer, liquor, exercise, etc. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But I did it.

    It then took a few months for me to get to a place where I can “notice” symptoms from specific things. When you first start the diet, you are in so much suffering that you can’t distinguish what items are causing problems. But you’ll get there eventually.

    I’ve been on the diet for 5 months, and the other day I had a cookie and a sandwich while attending a catered business lunch. Within hours, I was itching my nose, my brain fog returned, and then depression set in. It took a week for me to get back to where I was before the cheat. That’s the reality for severe cases of candida. I’ve had those cheats every month or so…each time it takes less days to recover, probably due to kefir and probiotics…but it tells me that I’m still very very far from curing myself. Yeah, I’ve cried about it. I’ve gone to some dark places and been in despair. But then I find a way to pick myself up again, and tell myself that I will not be like this forever. Eventually I will get symptom free, and then eventually I will be able to slowly test foods back into my diet. That might take another year…that might take 2 years. Who knows…I do know one thing, I will get there, and it will not take an entire lifetime to do it.

    Find a way to be thankful for what you have. You have a partner and a child that care about you. I want those things dearly, but I will have to go through this healing process alone. I’m thankful that I am still young enough to find and start a family of my own once I have healed.

    You’ll start seeing a major difference once you start staking days together of no cheats (and I mean weed too). Then you’ll stack weeks together, then months…then I and others on here will notice you are posting positive remarks and it will be such a great achievement.

    You will surprise yourself when you find the true you that comes to life as you kill/starve all of this yeast. Depending on just how long candida has slowly progressed in you, perhaps you’ve never even met this person.

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