You are not alone and I really can understand the feeling of hopelessness and worries you show in your letter. When the storm is at its worse you have to focus on what is possible to do right now. This you did when you sat down and wrote your e-mail to us.
Then I like to share a book with you which helped me a great deal and I am sure can help you too with your thoughts, and depressions.
Its called Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life
Its a wonderful book teaching us to see the pattern of our thinking and why we feel bad and offers teaching to get out of that trap and thoughts and depression.
This is the first step. There you will learn that you don’t need to suffer and where suffering comes from. In that space you will gain, the little place you re-establish yourself in, naturally plans and motivation and creativity arises out of you to change things you are able to change. Not out of desperation and fear but with a calm peace you will see the light again and have the power to move on with a smile.
If you feel that you need to see a counsellor than this is what you should do.
Try to find a ACT counsellor, I have one and it helps a lot.