Oh Hope, sorry to hear this! But dust yourself off girl and get back on the saddle! I know you can do it, just give yourself a chance.
It is very hard at the beginning but it does get easier. At the beginning when I was very ill, I would fall back to quinoa or brown rice. Once my die-off was so bad, I just wanted it to stop even if I had to feed the b..ch (meaning candida), so I ate a whole bowl of brown rice! And then I had phases when I doubted the validity of the whole process, of my own diagnosis, everything. And then I would get depressed over the whole thing and not being sure what I should or should not do… The list goes on, and we all did it. It all settled down within first 3 months or so. From then on everything started to change.
My cravings were much better once I managed to maintain this strict strict diet. I even eventually got rid the buckwheat/oat bran bread I used to make and use as a staple, and now I bake it only sometimes as a treat to myself. Now to think of it, I didn’t bake it since December! I made some little gluten free/grain free pastries, but my girls liked it and ate half of it and that was it 🙂 By doing this I am not that hungry all the time as I used to be and I don’t have to look for snacks. I rarely snack now, I eat my three meals, and one snack when I get home from work (since I am at a later stage, this would be granny smith apple, half of grapefruit, some pumpkin seeds or plain yoghurt with buckwheat crackers) so I can wait for girls and eat dinner with them (sitting at the table together is big for me). I did notice that yoghurt and buckwheat make me more hungry and want more of it. Like I open a package of those buckwheat crackers, eat one, then another one, then another one… and then the whole box is empty 🙂 Now, they are not harming my infestation much, how much of buckwheat actually is in one little cracker, but the point is that I eat the box and am left wanting more. If I stick to veggies/protein/fat diet (hunter-gatherer), I am satisfied with my meal and feel full.
Having two girls and raising them alone, I know how difficult can be to take care of the family and yourself, but my advice is that you try to cross match as much of the menu as you can. Like does your hubby eats meat and any veggies? Salad? You are exhausting yourself by preparing food for yourself differently. I do some variations, but steam a large part of swiss chard, then for kids I might make it more kids-friendly with few things I am not allowed, but still I cooked it together. I will saute it a little bit on garlic, take out their portion and season it for them, then finish off mine with hot pepper or something like that.
And to hate this diet less, you must find foods you enjoy. At the beginning my menu was bland but I’m online all the time looking for recipes I can make or modify for this diet. I put it an ingredient and try to find out how to make it. There are some great recipes out there and your family might like them. You don’t necessarily need to disclose everything that’s in there. I often just give it to family and stay vague about ingredients. Once they try and like it, I might tell them what was actually in it. This is how my kids started to eat algae he, he… One girl thought it was corned beef and was really excited about it, and I said, mhm (so it’s not a yes or no). It turned out Dulce (I think this is what it’s called, it’s the long red one) goes very well with swiss chard and my girls eat swiss chard much better with this than anything else. Find new foods you never tried, perhaps you will like them.
And to keep your insanity with all the errands etc, always steam lots more veggies than you need and just freeze them in portions. Then when you need them, just pull them out, pop in the microwave, saute on something and you have yourself a meal. I steam my veggies on a biggest pot and large metal colander so it’s done in 5-10 minutes instead of several batches of 5-10 minutes. Agree with mrs.Candida, make a huge pot of soup, save some in the fridge, freeze some for emergencies. You can make veggie chips in an oven too so don’t wait for the dehydrator. You can make your own buckwheat crackers and carry those with you all the time. Here is the recipe, it’s real easy IMO. http://sugarlessstudent.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/buckwheat-cracker-recipe.html
And finally, get rid of the guilt. It’s not doing anything for you. Just do as best as you can. If you want to fall off again, just remember this pain that you felt and remember that it is much less when you don’t eat this type of food. I was always so afraid of being so sick again that eventually I didn’t think of eating anything like that ever again, well at least for now 🙂
If we were not cyber friends, I would also offer a big hug 🙂
Good luck girl, and you are a lot stronger than you think!