And if it makes you feel any better, I’ve had a lot of moments in the past couple of weeks where I cry a lot about nothing. Like, just hanging out watching Netflix, and suddenly I’m all blubbery and wrenched :p Over nothing apparent. When I was a kid, I used to cry really easily, and when I was 11 I finally got too embarrassed about it and made myself stop — completely. But I was only able to stop through self-mutilation, and it led to a lot of shame and suppressed emotions for the sake of not being a “crybaby,” and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s only fair that I have to make up for that now! Over the past couple of years, I’ve started crying again more freely in general (you know, 15 years later :p), but it’s still hard for me to know how to be comfortable with being outwardly emotional. My personality type and demeanor are pretty low-key and impassive, so the process of reconciling myself to surprising people with displays of emotion is uncomfortable, but necessary.
Point of story, I guess, is that maybe this is just something overdue that you need to work through. I would imagine that 20 years of misdiagnoses and feeling like something is wrong all the time could lead to a significant backlog of rage, frustration, betrayal, etc.