Social relationships

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This topic contains 42 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by  mrs.candida 6 years, 3 months ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 43 total)
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  • #96166

    shayfo
    Member
    Topics: 18
    Replies: 668

    This is definitely a tough part of the process, I think perhaps especially for younger people. I’m 26, and a lot of my friends are really food-centric (lots of other vegans and foodies and food justice folks, etc). It’s sort of upsetting hearing about everyone going out for Indian or Thai, or having a homemade pizza night at someone’s house, or going to a potluck at one of the urban gardens/farms around town, or even just all deciding to go to a bar. My gluten allergy combined with my voluntary veganism has already made it tough to socialize around food, but I’ve figured out ways to make it work just fine over the past couple of years. Plus, with my friends being so food-minded, they mostly all understand gluten issues, and a lot of them are vegetarian or vegan anyway. But the restrictions involved in the candida diet are sort of baffling to people, and I think my current abstinence from things they deem healthy — fruit, tomatoes, mushrooms, whole grains, nuts, soy (f*** soy anyway!), beans, tea, etc — actually ruffles some feathers, at least on some level. Vegans especially are so accustomed to defending their food choices to everyone else, I think we tend to get upset when someone seems to cast one of the foods we eat regularly in a poor light. Obviously, that’s not what I’m doing, but I think it gets misinterpreted a bit, unless I go into excruciating detail explaining what the diet accomplishes (and since I’m overweight, people seem to often assume that I mean I’m on “a diet,” which is annoying, too). So, like most people who have friends and coworkers asking them, “Why aren’t you eating any cake/lasagna/roast? It’s so good!” I have friends asking me why I don’t eat fruit anymore, or what’s wrong with macadamia nuts, or what’s wrong with yams, or what’s wrong with kombucha, or insisting “NO, dates are GOOD sugar”…etc. The social aspect is no fun no matter what, apparently.

    This is not even covering my more party-oriented friends (more like “friendly acquaintances,” maybe), who probably just think I’m being self-righteous for not drinking or going to parties. Whatever.

    I’ve been spending a lot of time reflecting on my social life as it’s been, and sifting through the basis of a lot of relationships in my life. It’s a little depressing at times, but it’s also informative and helpful to take the time to see who’s willing to spend time with you despite mild inconvenience, or who can’t be bothered until you can go to a bar with them again someday; who’s supportive and who’s dismissive. I’ve also gotten some insight into my expectations of other people, and my expectations of myself as a friend.

    This forum is definitely helpful. I read pretty much everything that’s posted, whether I comment or not, since it helps me stay in the right mindset to keep doing what I’m doing to read about so many other people doing it, too.

    #96172

    Kag
    Member
    Topics: 18
    Replies: 402

    Those are some really good points Shayfo, it is hard for me I guess because eating has always been a joy. My friends already have to put up with my depression, I just feel bad for them sometimes. 🙂 And it does make it hard to make new friends. I have completely no problems at work since one of my jobs is part-time at a food Co-op. I actually helped a lady today who was newly on a gluten-free diet find some stuff that she could eat and gave her some cooking tips, that felt pretty good. 🙂

    Hey fixme, try to stay on the diet as long as possible. I did it for just two months and then went back to my regular food although less sweets and my lip rash came back. My lips were never completely healed I don’t think… I think they just felt a bit better. The weird part about this is I haven’t ever had thrush. I had angular chelitis last year which I got rid of with the cream and the diet. The lip rash/swelling starting ocurring at roughly the same time and has been a lot harder to get rid of. I could take diflucan but I am at a point in my life where I am just tired of taking medicine all the time. Like Mrs. Candida said, you have an opportunity to change your diet now so that maybe this won’t happen again. 🙂

    I never really thought about yeast until someone at work mentioned it. I have been pretty low energy for the last ten years and I have always LOVED sugar. I have had cancer and two surgeries that make it easy for me to get Uti’s. I have had multiple UTI’s per year for the last ten or so years and therefore lots of antibiotics. I had my first yeast infection when I was twelve so obviously I am predisposed. Strangely enough, I have not had a vaginal yeast infection for over a year. That is why at first I thought this was an allergy, but it seems to have no rhyme or reason. So I really have had this for almost a year, the lip rash anyway but the problem with yeast a lot longer.

    Hey and here is another positive. I was talking to a customer today about my diet. A very sweet man married to someone with MS. He said that I had never looked better! Pretty cool, eh?

    #96173

    Kag
    Member
    Topics: 18
    Replies: 402

    Oh and hey Emz, you ever come to the States, we can hang out and drink tea with no sugar, and have oat bran bread and fake cheese together! Lol! I am sorry you are going through this too. If I had my way, I would fix all of us!

    #96177

    greebles
    Member
    Topics: 5
    Replies: 31

    I am 21 and in my last year of university so I know how you feel. It’s extremely hard, honestly…especially not drinking. This is my second attempt at the diet – last year I quit two months in because of pressure from friends and family. Becoming educated and eloquent on the subject has helped a lot but the most important thing is to remain disciplined so everyone can see that their comments will not change your mind. If it is a specific food I’m turning down with an acquaintence ill usually say I’m lactose/gluten intolerant or allergic. I get a lot of flack because I’m naturally thin and it seems like I have an eating disorder. I’m two months in and I feel awesome. Keep your head up high! It’s nice to know there is someone out there with a similar experience.

    #96181

    alexalgebra
    Member
    Topics: 41
    Replies: 643

    Yes – the social aspect is probably one of the hardest parts 🙁 Like shayfo – I’ve had a gluten allergy and been vegan for awhile, but also am in a foodie-type community where people are weird about the candida diet. I get a lot of “Oh man, I’m so glad I’m not you” type comments, which hit me really hard, as well as “Good on you for eating healthy,” which I also hate because it seems like it’s a fucking choice, when it’s actually either do this or literally die (I was making plans to kill myself before I found out I had candida and that I could eventually get rid of it, because I couldn’t face a lifetime of being terrified of getting sick from every food I tried to eat.)

    Anyway, I just stopped going to food-oriented events. It sucks, but I remind myself it’s temporary, and in a year or whatever, I’ll be able to go to them sometimes and not have to think about it. For now, it’s too much of a trigger for me to have to explain myself and hear responses and see everyone eating everything I want but can’t have. My boyfriend is also not super supportive either, he doesn’t really get it and is just kind of an emotionally detached guy, so it’s extra difficult sometimes.

    This forum literally has saved my life. I also started up a Facebook group called “We’ve got GUTS!” for some friends and I (and whomever else wants to join) to talk about our GI issues in a more informal way. I have one friend in town going through the same thing, so we vent to each other a lot and it’s nice to know someone out there “gets it”. My other friends and I don’t hang much anymore because candida has kind of become my identity. It sucks, but since it’s so pervasive into everything in my life, that’s just how it is for now 🙁

    #96185

    shayfo
    Member
    Topics: 18
    Replies: 668

    I’ve also stopped going to a lot of food-oriented events, Alex, because either people are like “OH THAT SUCKS DUDE” while sticking raw chocolate-blood orange-nutmeg torte into their mouths, or on the flipside of things, I end up feeling bad because I have to tell friends who intentionally made or bought some vegan and gluten-free item with me in mind that I won’t be eating it anyway, because of my current dietary restrictions. This has currently been happening at least once a week at the weekly food events I CAN’T skip for the next several months. I’m hoping that eventually they’ll catch on. Ha.

    Katie, if you had a friend who was depressed and going through a crazy medical thing that she needed moral support to deal with, I suspect you’d try to help her out. This is the exact situation YOUR friends are in, and if they’re unwilling to support you even once they understand what’s going on, it speaks volumes about the quality of those relationships. But that’s awesome that you were able to help that women find GF items 🙂 This process is going to teach you a lot about special food needs, and you’ll be able to help people out at your co-op that are experiencing the same sort of frustrations that we are.

    #96186

    mrs.candida
    Member
    Topics: 53
    Replies: 452

    Shay! So eloquently written! From my experience in the vegan and raw food world it seems that people are always trying to one up each other with their dietary restrictions. I wonder if there might be a ting of jealousy there.

    It’s the fucken fruit! Everyone wants to pick an argument over how healthy it is. Also isn’t it funny how there’s no simple way to sum up how you eat, you start to list what you can’t eat and you can see peoples minds running for the hills.

    Interestingly enough I have lost all of my friends who reside nearby. I’m going into year 3 of weird dietary restrictions that keep social interactions to a minimum. At the time when I was losing my friends it was because I just didn’t have the energy, it was my choice to stay away. I reevaluated my relationships and decided that my precious energy was not going to be waisted on a relationship I didn’t really enjoy to begin with. Then I went on to cut my abusive mother out of my life. So there’s one positive that Candida did for me. I view this moment as my darkest hour, or cocoon time, right now it’s lonely but there’s a bright, bright future just waiting ahead.

    Alex, your post made me sad, because I’ve been there too. I just feels like everything I enjoyed in life has been ripped from me, and most of the time I have no energy to fight for it back.

    #96216

    hope4eva77
    Member
    Topics: 67
    Replies: 548

    i cant stand to go out to eat anymore or drinking with friends if they wanna come by then i guess ill see who my real friends are so far its only 2 people but thats fine with me the way i see it all the others arent my friends anyway !

    i had a nice lady at work bring me in gluten free pizza because everyone was eating pizza and her son is gluten free so she saved me sum ,it broke my heart to turn it down because i know she was being nice and dint understand exactly my diet restrictions !i just polity said no im sorry i cant have yeast ether !

    i think my hubby being unsupportive has been the hardest on me always eating in front of me and leaving junk around the house ! i swear when this is over ill b the strongest ever !i know what u mean about being to weak to chill ,i can barly clean my house def cant go hang out anywhere .i brought avocado and boiled eggs to my mas house and the whole time shes offering me spaghetti and meat balls i explained everything to her and she seemd to get it ,yet she stil wants me to eat her cooking !ahhhh !i feel your pain guys sorry u are going thru this to but im happy u all are here !love u all !

    #96362

    Kag
    Member
    Topics: 18
    Replies: 402

    I guess the moral to this story is, God help us from well-meaning people… 😀 Yeah, Shayfo I understand what you are saying. The thing is, because this involves food, nobody really “gets” it. They act like this is some sort of choice that I am making which obviously it is not. They think it is a choice because it involves food. If it was insulin or heart medicine they wouldn’t question it, would they?

    Right now, it just isn’t fair to myself to go out to eat with anyone. I could see it maybe in a few months as a treat… But not right now. And that is the thing no one gets. My boyfriend actually want me to go to O’Charley’s because he had a gift card. Well, everyone knows one of the best things about O’Charley’s is their bread… seriously, smh.. So I say this to him, that I won’t be able to eat anything good and he says “Can’t you have a salad?” I want to tell you all how proud of me you should all be that I did not commit homicide. 😀

    I have been seriously considering ending my relationship with my boyfriend because he just isn’t empathetic. He has always been that way but this situation has made it worse. He is a good guy but I don’t think has ever needed or gotten emotional support so he figures why would anybody else need it? I think that he thinks that it is “babying” people to empathize.

    I can understand people not wanting to hear about it all the time. I am trying to cut back on the diet talk. But of course, when you first change your diet, it is all you think about. I am trying to cut back on talking except when I find a great new product or a recipe. I have always been a bit of a hypochondriac and talk about my health too much so I am trying to cut back on that… The thing is, I wonder how many of my problems can be attributed to yeast and wish I had figured this out sooner.

    I think it is hard when you don’t have friends or a husband to upkeep friendships with other people. At least I have found that… Everybody always has so much to do that they don’t have time to get together and then if you add in the dietary restrictions and fatigue, then you are pretty much screwed. Thanks for letting me vent! I had kind of a rough day, intestines are freaking out a bit…and it is hard to work.

    #96363

    Kag
    Member
    Topics: 18
    Replies: 402

    Hey Hope, that was really cool of that lady at work… Super nice.. I bet it made you feel really great.

    Mrs.Candida, LOL! I may make that into a t-shirt. My new motto “It’s the fucken fruit!”

    I have started telling everyone that I am allergic to yeast and sugar. It seems to be working quite well for me.

    #96397

    Jujublue
    Member
    Topics: 2
    Replies: 20

    I’ve been so depressed because of everything you all are discussing that I can hardly bring myself to get out of bed. Reading this thread helped me to see I’m not alone and I can hang on. Thanks for the posts everyone.

    #96423

    alexalgebra
    Member
    Topics: 41
    Replies: 643

    Kag;34805 wrote: Hey Hope, that was really cool of that lady at work… Super nice.. I bet it made you feel really great.

    Mrs.Candida, LOL! I may make that into a t-shirt. My new motto “It’s the fucken fruit!”

    I have started telling everyone that I am allergic to yeast and sugar. It seems to be working quite well for me.

    I tell people that “I have a stomach infection and can only eat things I’ve prepared special for myself.” People kind of feel bad and don’t ask questions after that.

    Also, Kag, I totally feel you on the boyfriend thing…kind of going through the same thing myself 🙁 If you ever want to vent about it, hit me up, cause I could totally use an emotionally unsupportive boyfriend vent sesh :p

    #96426

    klips32
    Participant
    Topics: 65
    Replies: 183

    Tip for a night out: Drink sparkling water with loads of lime or lemon in it.

    Beware of that carbonated water is just another toxin for the liver to handle, since you’re on the diet and the liver is already in processing a lot of junk, you should not do this often or much at a time.

    I believe that this is better then staying home getting more anxiety and depressed, since stress is a lot more harmful then a few mg of carbon to handle for the liver. Remember that you should not feel stress when going out, take a few good friends that you trust to – not to fully understand – just respect your health issue.

    Also, head home early, you know sleep is vital in this process. Avoid smoke etc.

    Hope this helps a little 🙂

    #96446

    SRQ
    Member
    Topics: 10
    Replies: 53

    I rarely put myself in a social situation which I cannot control or don’t feel comfortable. I know how awful I would feel physically if I suddenly snarfed pizza, swilled beer or downed a pint of ice cream. I tell people I have food issues and that I have a limited diet. Most people are amazed that I have the fortitude to remain on such a restrictive diet. I used to tell people, ‘Oh, you could do it.’ But, now, after so many months have passed I’ve realized, no they couldn’t. So, now I say, ‘Not many can do this.’ I’m fortunate that (for the most part) I don’t mind eating the same foods over and over again. And, I’m never concerned about what others think of me if I’m not eating or drinking with them.

    #96469

    shayfo
    Member
    Topics: 18
    Replies: 668

    SRQ;34888 wrote: I rarely put myself in a social situation which I cannot control or don’t feel comfortable. I know how awful I would feel physically if I suddenly snarfed pizza, swilled beer or downed a pint of ice cream. I tell people I have food issues and that I have a limited diet. Most people are amazed that I have the fortitude to remain on such a restrictive diet. I used to tell people, ‘Oh, you could do it.’ But, now, after so many months have passed I’ve realized, no they couldn’t. So, now I say, ‘Not many can do this.’ I’m fortunate that (for the most part) I don’t mind eating the same foods over and over again. And, I’m never concerned about what others think of me if I’m not eating or drinking with them.

    I think different personality types deal with this differently, and there are other factors that seem to make it easier or more difficult for some people to feel okay about declining foods or being around foods they’re not eating. A friend of mine who did a week of the cleanse and almost a week of the diet with me was SO TORTURED about the idea of not eating the same foods as her family or friends when they asked her to eat with them. But, she’s an extrovert, largely emotionally-driven, and an omnivore, and she has a sort of “go along to get along” attitude about most social situations (unless there’s really something to be opposed to: she’s not a pushover, just harmonious). On the other hand, I’m an introvert, largely logic-driven, and I already had food restrictions (vegan, and allergic to gluten), and I think those things make it easier for me to stick with it, even in social situations. I think introverts tend to perceive less conflict in “doing their own thing” in a group than extroverts do, and I’ve been declining food for over a decade for one reason or another. So, it doesn’t stress me out as much to be in a situation where I’m eating my little separate meal, or where I’m just declining an invitation, as I think it did for my friend. The introversion/extroversion difference definitely makes it easier for me to be okay with staying home and eating by myself all the time. She was always coming over to cook with me because she didn’t want to do it alone.

    But it’s not an easy thing, I think regardless of who you are. It definitely helps to have a long-term view of things! The way out is through.

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