Please take a look at the website that NiuBlau recommended. I am biased because my mom was the same as yours and I told her she was no longer welcome in my life. I’m not saying you have to do this, but you need to get an understanding of how your mothers behaviors are affecting your health. Also, you must realize that you can’t change her and most likely she will not change.
You do not owe your mother your life. You have every right not to pick up the phone when she calls. You have every right to have a boyfriend behind her back until the relationship turns into something substantial. You have every right to take care of yourself FIRST. You must please look into daughters of narcissistic mothers.
From the sounds of it if you want to heal you must make sure that you do not ever move into the same house with your mother. Please do what you can to take care of yourself.
I wish you the best of luck.
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