it is not possible to diagnose somebody from far away, just with the describtion of another person.
And I’m not a psychologist anyway.
But everything You write could be from a comment of a blog about narcissists.
She is controlling, yes.
But she also doesn’t seem to feel empathy for You.
That’s very troubling.
It is always about her, her sickness is worse than Yours.
Gosh, that’s so classic narcissistic.
She uses You to dump all her problems on You, but when You need her it is “not so bad”, right?
I don’t know how old You are, but she doesn’t need to know everything about Your boyfriend.
She seems to be the “engulfing” type, my mother was the “ignoring” type.
If it is really NPD…. It is sad, but those women don’t love their children.
Their children are either the “golden child” or the “scapegoat”.
You seem to be the scapegoat.
Nothing is right, when You clean the kitchen etc.
There are countries in Europe where the mother has traditionally a standing that could explain some of her behavior.
Italy for example.
Maybe some has to do with this kind of stuff.
But I read some alarming things, like You say Your siblings are always better etc.
You cannot explain that with the Southern European Mama thing.
Like I said I cannot diagnose her, but You should read some of the website I gave You.
The key thing is really that they don’t have empathy for others.
They fake it sometimes, but it’s not real.
Concentrate on Your healing,
and get non-supportive people out of Your life,
that’s the best advice I can give.