Reply To: feeling hopeless today

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Hello hope4eva..

I wanted to chime in this thread and let you know that I really do know what it feels like. Now imagine all that you are going through, but no husband and two toddlers that age (twins) instead of one. This was me last year. I thought it may make you feel a little better if you do see it could have been worse 🙂 I was so ill and had to take care of the house, girls, all by myself, nobody to fall on. Family helped at times, they had to as I would be to ill, but I would feel so guilty being in bed for about a week, while someone else taking care of my kids and rest of my duties. I am working full time on top of that so my time is so limited. Then I get home after barely making it trough the working day and there is two hyperactive girls getting in trouble every 10 minutes or so. I remember feeling so hopeless, desperate, exhausted at that period. I don’t have to mention that I was in tears very often.

I had no choice but to go trough the treatment as my symptoms were so bad I could not work or raise my girls like that. These symptoms were just worse during die-off periods, but I was bad enough that pulling out was not an option. I had little or no understanding from everyone else and felt so alone in it, well I would be entirely alone had I not found supporting people on this forum. And without all of the comforting and encouraging words from them, which truly did help big time, just knowing there is a group of people all over the world who are going trough what I am going trough somehow helped.

As for affordability, I know exactly what you are talking about. I was stretching a single pay on rent, utilities, car, nanny, other necessities for girls, and I get whatever is left, which is not much really. If my ex sent alimony, I would be able to get some of the supplements that month, otherwise… well you know, you need to pick and choose what’s more important.

My parents live near green market and my dad would purchase fruit and vegetables for me, and he would not take any money for it. I work until late so I could not go there, and in regular markets everything is wilted, expensive and limited in choice (people here rely on green markets for fresh food). That was tough also. He would complain how this or that was expensive and how I was better off eating a big steak every day than all that “grass” as he called for so much money. But let me tell you, as my dad noticed improvement in my health, his complaints were less and less. It took several months for me to get better, but I did get better. He now knows what I need to eat a lot of (mainly green leafy veggies, I posted my regimen in my update thread) and he lets me know as soon as he finds it. He even manages to find enough in the middle of winter which is tough here.

So to summarize what I tried to say above:
– Yes, you do feel alone doing this, but then there is all of us going through what you are going through so for sure there is a shoulder to lean on here on the forum.
– Yes, everyone thinks you are crazy (I still get “you are still on that diet??? When do you think you will be off that diet?” daily!!!) but you need to have self confidence in what you are doing which will come as soon as some of your symptoms are fading away, that’s your proof that this is working it only takes patience. People often give up within three months and this is how long it takes just to start feeling better. Just imagine all the damage we were doing to ourselves for years! It cannot be undone in few days, it’s just not possible, or logical. I now answer that I will probably be on the diet forever because I enjoy it and also ask myself: do I need gluten? NO Do I really need lactose? NO Do I really need sugar? Big NO (I don’t want it, it’s a poison in my mind which got me where I was a year ago)
– Do what you can and as best as you can. Forget antifungals you cannot afford. You can do it without them, I did. Try to eat all the right things, balanced diet full of green leafy veggies, sulfur foods (cabbage and onion family), and allowed colors (that one is tough on first phase but do what you can), try making bone broths (so inexpensive), try to eat organ meat (so much cheaper) once per week, and healthy fat (EVOO, coconut oil, animal fat such as lard or fatty cuts – you need fat to replace carbs for energy), drink lemon water three times a day, make home made kefir (once you purchase grains, you will have it for the cost of milk!) this is best thing you can do in terms of probiotic strains, and get probiotic capsule you can afford. I did not have access to good probiotics until few weeks ago, I did not have access to antifungals as well, I did what I wrote above and got better. Once your family sees you are doing better, they will come aboard too. Oh and organic does not exist where I live so obviously you can improve on slightly “poisoned” food, just detox and detox with lemons and anything else you can afford.
– Try to reduce stress you are sometimes creating for yourself. Does the house really need to be spotless? NO Does your kid need to be spotless? NO (I had my children running around the house with messy hair and dirty faces when feeling just to ill to make it through the day. They were healthy and happy kids, this did not damage them in any way) Do you need to be a perfect mother all the time? NO (you can take a break on your bad days. My kids were never in front of TV, I was involved mother always. Well, during treatment this was though so I finally broke down, pulled out a long cartoon such as Ice Age and had an hour and half for myself or something else I had to do, once I was better I am again involved mother who has patience for them – didn’t have much of during illness and treatment – and they did are just happy I am back, they don’t remember that last year I was not quite there)
– Find ways to make it easier on you, take shortcuts and remember this is only temporary until you get better. I am now cooking, baking, playing with girls, going somewhere any nice day and this is more important to me than cleaning house as this is for them and for me as well. It’s so much more to spend a fun day with your kid than to have a spotless house and be tired after cleaning it and we all know how long this will last with kids in the house! Sometimes it’s just pointless.
-Oh, and I agree with others to keep a diary of some sort. Some of the improvement is in baby steps so if you are able to trace back you will see you improved in such and such a way. Otherwise a month passes and you suddenly realize a certain symptom improved or is gone. Finding out about it sooner may help your confidence and pushing on with the treatment.

I hope you pull through! I wish you best of luck and good feelings very soon! Vent here, I did, and there was always someone that is willing to offer comforting and encouraging words. Vent here before you have a meltdown and this will reduce the stress and impact of your treatment to others so they will be more willing to help and sooner.